Casiotone for the painfully alone

I feel really empty right now.
Halved almost...like I lost myself, or at least a reflection of who I am...

So sweaty

So much dancing happened in Niki Cox's basement apartment on Sunday night! If you add 20-30 people, some beverages, a strobe light/fog machine and David Burner's dj skills then you're bound to have a good time....and a mustache...look like shit....be so sweaty you sweat your mustache off.... OH! and a million pictures taken of you and posted all over facebook.







Ps- nip shots are great. ftp.

welcome home!

Tonight has been a success and also a downfall at the same time. It started off with a movie viewing/premiere of an independent film done by my friend Will Sampson who is halfway in charge of "East West Productions.". The film was titled "So Simply" and dealt with the inner working of a young boy who questions his very existence. Moving. Intelligent and considerable were the actions portrayed through-out. It made its debut at the Bean Cycle where I promptly got my caffeine fix and saw some old friends who were in town =]

ANYWAY, speaking of old friends;
One of the first people that I met and became friends with in Fort Collins is Mr. Ian Green who now lives in Portland is back for a visit. There was a welcome home party for him last night at Paul/Adam/Nick's house that started off pretty slow, but 4 Tecate's and an hour later turned into something sort of crazy. I was weaving in and out of people and getting crazy. A huge thank you to my coworker/friend Katie Perkins for staying late before I had to go into WORK :( by 1am.

Good night overall. Lots of drunk pictures, lots of laughing, lots of stumbling.

(good job me for a detailed blog that actually was worth writing) pics soon.

Condoms for christmas

seriously. a big "ha-ha" to my family.

Who is the last person of the opposite sex that you talked to?
-Kyle Stecker

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
- Not the last time I kissed him, but people have defiantly seen it haha



was the last time you talked to your number 1?
-Last night!


Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
-Yep


Do you still talk to the person you kissed last?
-I do!



Who was the last person to make you laugh?
-Chad this morning while we talked about going to Arizona


Are you excited for Winter?
-Its already Winter and the excitement wore off the day that it was -16 out.




Are you listening to music right now?
Oh hell yeah, LMFAO's remix of "Love lockdown" by kanye west

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone with?
-Chad (im waiting for him to pick me up)


Do you curse in front of your parents?
Yeah, but I rarely see them and they aren't really my parents anyway


Who can you tell everything to?
Anyone



Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a "S"?
A couple S's


Do you like anyone at the moment?
Yeaaaap


What were you doing at 9am?
Sleeping



What was the best year of your life?
So far I'd say like '94. I was little and had no worries.



Have you ever been drunk at schoo//work?
hahahahaha..nooo




Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Nope, im pretty content


Name something you did yesterday?
Went to the bookranch hahahaha



Do you have anything to complain about?
I complain all the time




What are you listening to right now?
LMFAO-I'm in miami bitch


What's your favorite season?
Summer!



What woke you up this morning?
Chad laughing at Rob and Big.




Are you stubborn?

Yes.





Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Carmen?


What were you doing at midnight last night?
Drinking red wine and watching kids take whip-its


Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Yeah! My sister and my dad!



Look at your second friend on MySpace, do you really like them?
NO NOT ONE BIT! <3



What do you look forward to in the next month?
Leaving the state (hopefully)


Last place you went out to eat?:
Taco Bell! mmmmmmm



What color is your shirt?:
Blue and heather gray



Favorite Holiday?:
My birthday


Would you get back together with any of your exes?:
Probably not.



Are you happy with your cell phone?:
Sort of. I hate it.


Do you text?:
all day errday



What's your favorite Green Day song?:
N/A




Are you a vegetarian?
Nope.


Do you drink coffee?:
A lot of it. Probably too much.



Do you have cable?:
I got dish.


Favorite late night show?:
Anything on the discovery channel



What were you sick with last time you were sick?:
Bronchitis



Have you ever woken up from a really good dream?:
Who hasn't?



What color eyes do you have?:
Gray.


Are you single?:
Yes



Coke or Pepsi?:
Coke


Last mall store you went to?
579


Is it snowing there?:
Its supposed to tonight.


Do you own any band t-shirts?:
Old old ollllddd ones



Have you ever posted a myspace bulletin?:
no, never. PAH!



How do you like Avril Lavigne?:
eh, 7.5




What color are your underwear?:
nunya


Have you ever used germ sanitizer?:
Always!



Do you like green olives?:
I luuurrvvee olives


What is one reason you get up in the morning?:

Git muniez



Are you tired right now?:
No


Last thing you ate containing sugar?:
Cheesecake!


Are you good looking?:
Hells yeah I got deeze goodz


How tall are you?:
5' 10"


What color is your hair?:
blonde/yellow/pink/blue (I look like fucking my little god damn pony right now)


Any layers?:
nope, too short




Put a random emoticon on the next line:
:-*




Most annoying song?:
Just all the overplayed ones.



Do you have a laptop?:
yes i do


Ever totally flunked a school project?:
Nope.



Do you have any dirty little secrets?:
Too many.


Do you have any pets?:
Penny, Depot, Kira.



Do you have a myspace?:
No way jose.



Favorite pudding flavor?:
Rice pudding!


Favorite kool-aid flavor?:
lemon lime <3





This survey is total weak sauce

Old pictures! Lots of them!

LETTTTTTSSSSS DOO THE TIMMMEE WAARRRPPP AAGAAAAIIINNNN!!!

Travel through time.

If I could possibly express how many weird, fucked up dreams I've been having about Dr. Suess Land (Islands of Adventure) I'd sound like a crazy person. God, Its almost like being there again on lots of hallucinates. The lucidness that surrounds it is starting to seep into my thoughts on a daily basis.

My brain is not working correctly and I'm starting to wonder why I'm still in Colorado and where I'm going. On top of that, Why haven't I worked as hard as I can to get out of here?







Anyway, when these pictures were taken I was NOT on hallucinates, and also I was completely obsessed with asian girls and wanted to be one. awesome.

Chad and I trade jackets a lot when we are a lot of drunk. what could make more sense?

4:22 am!

Geah, a billi, a billi, a billi a billionaire
Call me Philly Collins, I feel a billion is in the air
I affiliate, with Billy Cakes, that's my pair
And Jah-ma-nillionaire is my consigliere
When I wear, Billionaire, Boys Clubs it's more than care
I don't wear it cause Pharrell, I wear it cause I'm fo'real
{*I SEE DEAD PEOPLE*}
I see Benjamins and a billion other big head people
I'm a natural born hustler, Marcy Projects motherfucker
Turned professional journalist reportin, live from the gutter
My girl, carry boxcutters, rubbers, shoot up with undercovers screamin
FUCK THE WORLD, why, cause, don't nobody love us
Shawn Carter, Sean Bell, what's the difference? Do tell
50 shots or 50 mill', ain't no difference go to hell
So, BRRRAK, lick a shot for, BRRRACK Obama, change gon' come-ah
I'ma buy the whole hood llamas on me
Roc nation army, million strong and the mantra's gon' be
It is whatever it's gon' be, on three
Shawn, in the Hum V, y'all can call it cold warm
Declarin, I'm free, bumpin 'Pac and the Outlawz
I'm flyer than all outdoors, I ball out pours
I buy, champagne companies, I'm past buyin out bars
But I do that, I'm so past, G5's and G4's
But I flew, back, back and forth like Aaliyah (rest in peace to ya)
Takes a nation of millions to hold us back
But when your boy reach a billion it's a wrap (off of RAP?) YEAH!
Roc nation it takes a nation to stop
I'm signin off, it's the hood's Barack, BRRRACK!

This is by far the best "Missed Connection" on craigslist I've EVER read, ever.

"I hate you, fuck'n titty bastard.

Don't get me wrong, I thought we had something too. I was walking through the plaza of campus and you ended up holding the door open for me. I smiled and nodded my thanks, and you curtly nodded your dark, shaggy head in return... well, I think it was dark and shaggy, you had your hood up and I could only see the back of your head. But nonetheless, I knew it then. I felt it. You were going to be my missed connection.

I was excited. I was eager. Being of a shyer personality, and averagely-plain looks, I was never really noticed. I always scrolled the missed connection page, hoping against hope that someone would mention the chunky girl in King Sooper's buying the quart of Ben&Jerry's, or the disheveled girl scratching her armpit in the sedan going north. They never happened. Not a single post could even be pretended to be me. But, it was different with you. You were going to be my breakthrough. You were going to propel my debut to anonymous posting fame. I checked MC that night, scrolling through with bated breath. M4M, W4M, I saw you at this bar, You had a kid. None of those were for me. I felt a pang in my stomach, but I let it pass. I knew, you just had a busy night. You were at odds with your family, and had to work overtime to pay for your school as you weren't able to get loans due to your father's fabulous wealth. Your cat died. You had to do laundry. I know how it is. I forgave you. However, the next day, still nothing pertaining to me. No "I held the door open for you. You were average looking, but polite. Tell me what I was wearing." No reply back of, "You were wearing a hoody. The hood was up so I wasn't certain if you had dark and shaggy hair." No reply-reply back of, "Gee, that's right. Want to get coffee?" No reply-reply-reply back of, "I hate coffee. Sorry I don't think this will work out." No reply-reply-reply-reply back of, "Wow, I hate coffee too. I was just being nice. I love you." No reply-reply-reply-reply-reply back of, "I love you, too. Vegas?" None of that happened. NONE OF IT. I was getting worried. Maybe a bus hit you? Maybe you got probed by your roommate? Maybe your cat came back to life and zombified you? The possibilities were endless. I dialed PVH multiple times, just to hang up realizing the only thing I knew about you was you were wearing a hoody. I was starting to forget what colour the hoody even was. Black? Dark blue? Maybe a CSU green? I forgot colours were important in MC. Frantically I hit up MC again, scrolling up and down, clicking every option. Dear lord, were you dead? I was getting desperate but I couldn't post my own W4M posting for you. I was too haughty for that. You were supposed to come to me. You were supposed to post your generic statement of lustful attraction FOR ME. But then you had to get hospitalized and ruined everything. I can't wait for you forever. They don't even have a vaccine for zombification. I had to move on. Couldn't you drag your sore, corpse-like body home and make one MC posting? Your lack of dedication appalled me. I began to hate you. I scorned MC for awhile, my heart still broken over your fucking lack of commitment. I waited two whole days for you. TWO. 2! My life was wasted. I could've been playing GuildWars, reading generic shoujo, saving orphans in Tibet. Now those orphans are dead, because you didn't fucking post and I spent two days wasting my time. Good work, orphan killer. You get kicks and giggles from murdering orphans, you fucking psychopath. I sent a request to medical research requesting they never find a cure for zombies, fucking shithole douchebag titty hoody man from the depths of orphan killing hell. Way to ruin my hope in MC. ...btw, to the young man who was loitering in front of King Soopers, wearing a grey and green jacket, who glanced at my entrance...I am waiting for your post next"

Tonight is Wu Tang Clan and I couldn't be more excited. I was supposed to be on a plane headed east this morning, but instead I'm just chillin on the homefront. STOKED.

It was too good of a night last night. I had a really lame day and was super bummed out about things I shouldn't be, but whatever. Jessica and Meg called me and we ended up at The Sounds at the Ogden last night. Its official that Maja Ivarsson is the HOTTEST woman ever. Meg wore a mustache/alter-ego ("Steezy P") and was hiiilllaarriouussss, the birth of a genious.

I think Meg would make the perfect boyfriend. I mean, just look at it.

"I like the way you look at me"

"Why?"

"Because your eyes get all sparkly"

"Well... Thanks" (blushing)

"You look at me like you've never had a good guy in your life."

Absolutely amazing.

Sometimes I go on these thrift store shopping sprees just to buy scarves. Every kind. Big, small, paisley, silk, hip, old lady, ponchos... whatever. I really do have quite the collection and I wear one with almost every outfit. They all work perfectly. I am in love.
Anyway though, a couple of days ago I had a friend buy one of my jewels off of my body. Straight up offered me money to take off my scarf and give it to him. Being that they only range from $.99 to $2.99, of course I was willing. This gave my friend Jessica the impression that she could also buy a scarf off of me, but instead I told her the only way she could have it was if she traded me her gold american apparel strapless bra thing. Soooooo good!!


It took her like 4 days to finally give in, but I got that shit!!!

and...I rule.

The past couple of days have been absolutely incredible. I have the most amazing friends ever. So many good times. Sing alongs, car rides, stories, dancing, laughing, loving, learning and getting out of haaannndddddd <3

This is sort of a useless post; me boasting about my happiness and personal gain from knowing amazing people.

So here are some really fantastic photos. No idea who took them.

I am so happy right now. That's all.

Holland, 1945

Theres something completely captivating about Neutral Milk Hotel. Maybe its the lyrics that were meant for a sing along, or maybe its the brass section that livens up the tune of the saddest sonnets. I quote them quite often because I get lost in the lyrics. "How strange it is to be anything at all," its so emotional and true. I am at work right now and its 3:30 am, Ive been making a lot of drinks and keeping myself busy by cleaning, but now I realize I have nothing to do until 4!
But back to NMH, I get so distracted by their music I catch myself doing stupid things like pouring coffee with no cup underneath or starting a blender without the lid because I am so wrapped up in the words. Originally I felt like this entry was going to be some lyrics that I really liked (because I post lyrics A LOT), but I figured I'd justify my actions.

anyway, here's something to chew on



The only girl I've ever loved
Was born with roses in her eyes
But then they buried her alive
One evening 1945
With just her sister at her side
And only weeks before the guns
All came and rained on everyone
Now she's a little boy in Spain
Playing pianos filled with flames
On empty rings around the sun
All sing to say my dream has come

But now we must pack up every piece
Of the life we used to love
Just to keep ourselves
At least enough to carry on

And now we ride the circus wheel
With your dark brother wrapped in white
Says it was good to be alive
But now he rides a comet's flame
And won't be coming back again
The Earth looks better from a star
That's right above from where you are
He didn't mean to make you cry
With sparks that ring and bullets fly
On empty rings around your heart
The world just screams and falls apart

But now we must pack up every piece
Of the life we used to love
Just to keep ourselves
At least enough to carry on

And here's where your mother sleeps
And here is the room where your brothers were born
Indentions in the sheets
Where their bodies once moved but don't move anymore
And it's so sad to see the world agree
That they'd rather see their faces fill with flies
All when I'd want to keep white roses in their eyes